


Fuck diaries

by Nobodystentacle



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Human AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:34:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 76
Words: 6,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25253176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nobodystentacle/pseuds/Nobodystentacle
Summary: or duck fairiesOk so i had an idea. Remus is given a diary to write in. Itll all be diary entries, of various quality.
Comments: 143
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so background knowledge. There all human. There all part of the same friend group and i dont anything else yet.

_Patton gave me this notebook cause he thinks i "need to express my thouts somehow" wich is bullshit but idk maybe ill use it for scetches or somethin_

_**Fuck da popo** _


	2. Chapter 2

Hey fuck face why are you reading my notebook?

Put also did you know that the wendigos in until dawn look more like skinnwalkers then windego


	3. Chapter 3




	4. Chapter 4

anime ~~virgil~~ told me to watch

akame ga kill

madoka magika- i know roman watched this but wont tell me anything about it

berserk

goblin slayer- _roman made a disgusted face and said isnt that a hentai?_

is it wrong to pick up girls in the dungeon?

the promised neverland- _childern?_

durararaarararararararrarara- i know theres a dude who can carry a vending machine

food wars

grimgar- roman approved

parasyte- ~~monster?~~

shiki

sailor moon (the original)- **_loved by all_**. i got a book thrown at me cause ive never seen it

dororo- another kid?

future diary - ~~the pink haired knife girl?~~ _**YANDERE ALERT <3 bestill my beating heart**_

taboo tattoo

kakaguri- aka human pet the anime

samuri shamploo

ghost hunt- ~~logan nodded at this one?~~ logan has seen this one

magical girl spec ops asuka- why does virgil think i like magical girls?

assassination classroom- _pat said its cute_

hell girl

 ~~deathnote~~ already watched

cells at work- ** _logan approved_**

detroit metal city


	5. Chapter 5

You died to me years ago

Why cant i help u along

You already tried

So many fucking times

You wear the physical scars but i wear the pain of watching

Standing there being strong always strong

The pillar that dosent crumble as you get to collapse and take and take and take

Who cares anymore

Just finish what you started and stop making me watch over and over again


	6. Chapter 6

cinimon mug cake

  * 1/4 cup \+ 2 spoons all-purpose flour
  * 2 tablespoons sugar
  * 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
  * 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
  * 1/4 cup milk, at room temperature
  * 2 tablespoons salted butter, melted and cooled
  * 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract



#### topping

  * 1 tablespoon sugar
  * 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon



microwave 1 1/4 min

do in layers


	7. Chapter 7

found a cool pix photo printer at thiriftys to print inspo photos


	8. Chapter 8

fuck god,  
what has he done for me but fucked me in the ass  
ooh i wander what getting pegged by god would be like?   
i bet his cum tastes like juicy drop pops  
or nilla wafers  
or oreo centers, lik it up


	9. Chapter 9

_**tasty food** _

**mayonaise**

fondant logs

escargo

rib chips

wieners

mccumshot

corned beef

red bean bun

snickerdoodles

dino egg oatmeal

yogurt soda

shrimp alfredo

century eggs

pork naem

durian

chicken feet

nato

ambrsoia salad

kraft singles

churros

dino nuggets

gumbo

ppeanut butter banana sandwich

meatloaf

whipped cream off people

koolickles

rootbeer

buiscuits and gravy

bear sausage

spam

raccon stew

cockles

bbq eel

salmon cheeks

easy cheese and vannila wafers

cheese cake

lamb

gin soaked nilla wafers


	10. Chapter 10

story time

i was at work today and homeless dude comes in with duffel bag, starts stealing shit but i cant do fuck all till he "leaves the property" so i follow him like a hawk, for like two hours, slow day, i finaly lose track of him in the isles. he had gone up to my manager and told her i was to cute to steal from and handed her a pair of shoes. best part half an hour later i look at our front window and theres a light brown something smudged into a heart on our window. was it shit? was it him? was it a teen girl with stick foundation? was it dirt? ill never know. then i walked home threw the usually unlit street. fuck retail


	11. Chapter 11

Hehe i gave him skin


	13. Chapter 13

(̶◉͛‿◉̶) kiss kiss fall in love(̶◉͛‿◉̶)

ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ✧ stab stab time to dieʕ•̀ω•́ʔ✧

(►.◄) eat eat go to sleep(►.◄) 

(ᕗ ಠ︡益︠ಠ︠)ᕗ︵ ┻┻


	14. Chapter 14

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__8888888I,_``""""""8888888888888888aaaaa8888XxxxxXX8"   
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	15. Chapter 15

for fuck sake. why does logan always make me look like such shit.

fuck you logan

you think you can hide behind your"facts" and pretend your absolutisim doesnt stab all of us in the back

you think ur so fucking perfect and the only one who matters

fuck your face

i wish roman haddent caught me before i could break his fucking teeth.

watch the spit and blood ooze from his mouth as i keep hitting

we can hurt together :) our blood mixing between my fists and his face

now that would be fun


	16. Chapter 16

_**Half of all wrestling photos look like gay weddings** _


	17. Chapter 17

got a new knife today :)

the coffee bitch showed up at my door at 2 am.

he loves bringing me a new starbucks drink everytime he comes over but where the fuck did he get it at 2am? 

"salted caramel coldfoam nitro cold brew with a shot of espresso and marshmellow syrup" 

that shit was awesome. he kept his glasses on the whole visit. i wonder what made him cry this time, maybe ill spam him later and see if theres someone i need to provokeTM hehehe

my new provoke ;)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/-1dSY6ZuXEY

Spooky, scary skeletons  
Send shivers down your spine  
Shrieking skulls will shock your soul  
Suck your dick tonight

Spooky, scary skeletons  
Speak with such a scree  
You'll shake and shudder in surprise  
When you hear these zombies moan

We're sorry skeletons, you're so misunderstood  
You only want to fornicate, but I don't think we should

'Cause spooky, scary skeletons  
Shout startling, shrilly screams  
They'll sneak from their sarcophagus  
And just won't leave you be

Spirits supernatural are shy whats all the fuss  
But bags of bones seem so unsafe, it's semi-serious!

Spooky, scary skeletons  
Are slutty all the same  
They'll smile and scrabble slowly by  
And drive you so insane

Sticks and stones will break your bones  
They seldom let you snooze  
Spooky, scary skeletons  
Will wake you with a blow!


	19. Chapter 19

coitis

copilation

_californication_

sex nooky procreation intamcy

smashing birds and the bees intercourse

mating bonking bed mate with woohoo ravish

screwing fucking shagging

bang hump bag ride diddle nail connsimation

carnal inbrace

courting hanky panky bone do the nasty

a valid job


	20. Chapter 20

Once upon a time, in a land far far away. There lived a prince. The prince spent all his time on frivolous hobbies. He danced. He sang. He read fairytails with happy endings and dull pretty boys. The prince saw no reason to look beyond his tall tall tower, he had praise, he had fancy food, even handmade lavish outfits. He couldn't be happier. What he chose to blind himself to was the thin frail boy who brought him his meals. The frazzled woman who created his lavish clothes. The silent fear in the eyes of his adoring public. But all those paled compared to who really controlled everything. The whispers, the silent orders. Princey just smiled when he was told to smile and played pretend.

He learned to love pretend.

He knew if he opened his eyes to wide his heart woudnt let him remain still. so he dulled himself and chose to believe the hollow smiles.


	21. Chapter 21

hey, diariahea

life fucking sucks

people suck

fuck life


	22. Chapter 22

Got shitfaced last night. Dont have a hangover wich is sweet. Still want fries tho


	23. Chapter 23

Im so fucking tired today, and numb. Why am i numb wtf is wrong with me. 

Butts are tasty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How have so many people read my trash idea sksbwikdjfysgqgskdkf.  
> Thanks for reading tho, i totally didnt expect anyone to like such a none sensical idea. I do have a story progression in mind. We will see if i ever get where im trying to go tho ┐(‘～`;)┌


	24. Chapter 24

Let's get down to business, to defeat the Huns

  
Did they send me daughters, when I asked for sons?

  
You're the saddest bunch I ever met

  
But you can bet before we're through

  
Mister, I'll make a man out of you

Tranquil as a forest but on fire within

  
Once you find your center, you are sure to win

  
You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot

  
And you haven't got a clue

  
Somehow I'll make a man out of you

I'm never gonna catch my breath

  
Say goodbye to those who knew me

shang: *concerned gay noises*

they so gunna fuck. bois ready to get dicked by a twink. im so here for this


	25. Chapter 25

What if i just cut virgils arm?Do you think hed get mad or just sad?


	26. Chapter 26

Hey bro found ur book while you where nappin

promise i didnt read anything in your special little diary

(✿^‿^)

But careful where you leave it next time

**welp time for fucking**

# Fratricide (✷‿✷)


	27. Chapter 27

Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die fie die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die fie die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die fie die die die die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die fie die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die diedie die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die fie die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die die die die die die die die Die die die die DIE die die die Die die die die DIE die die


	28. Chapter 28

I want coffee jelly


	29. Chapter 29

Eat the rich


	30. Chapter 30

Who needs friends when you have knives?


	31. Chapter 31

deep below in the silent wave

my broken thoughts lie

as the serpent drags others to a violent grave

my better half held up high

my tendrils drift along the bottom

dredging up the depths darkest lot

a monster brings along autumn

making my light an afterthought

the web spread wide

watching for the slightest contact

down where i reside

nothings so exact

the serpent lies

the spider hides


	32. Chapter 32

i am a dirty slut for squeezy cheese on spicy sausage


	33. Chapter 33

"be gentle" L whined.  
v lazily pulled his hand further up L's thigh, ghosting over the fresh red marks that littered his tender skin.  
"but watching you squirm is so much more... enticing" v growled. v slowly pulled himself up from his position between L's thighs to rest stradling his hip bones and keep him from wiggling further up the bed. v slowly dragged his nails up the length of l's torso leaving a light pink trail in its wake, eliciting a heady moan from his trapped subject.   
........  
v shifted slightly behind L, his legs on ether side of l's thighs. v rested his head on L's shoulder nibbling lightly as his neck. "are you comfortable?"  
l nodded lightly as v reached his arms around l's torso grabbing at his hip and side .   
" what do you want help with?" v purred.  
L bit his lip and moaned queitly, "you did this to me, finnish what you started" L grabbed v's hand and pulled it down onto his hard cock. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small authors note.   
> What on this hell of a planet possessed me to write smut!?!?   
> Anyway this is literally the first time ive written something like this so enjoy how generic it sounds 😘


	34. Chapter 34

going drinking with remy tonight, if i die of alcohol poisining all my worldy possessions go to patton, except my box on my nightstand. make sure he never sees that. give it to virgil, he'll hate it.   
its my favorite toys 😘


	35. Chapter 35

I live yet. Much to everdykes shagrine! Got remy to take a shot our of a condom,. Again. Bitch tried to deep throat it first. Everypony needs to let the boi do what he loves. The hoe stayed here since he's quite literally incapable of functioning without his precious burnt seed juice with slave labour white meth and cow puss


	36. Chapter 36

_***several pages have been torn out*** _


	37. Chapter 37

Why deny yourself knowledge? Especially when you can use it to its juiciest ;)


	38. Chapter 38

_**FUCK THE PIGS AND THERE BLIND COWARDIS** _


	39. Chapter 39

3/3/3

3 minutes without oxygen

3 days without water

3 weeks without food

usefull info


	40. Chapter 40

Who wears short shorts? I wear short shorts!

Who had a ball fall out? I had a ball fall out

(☞^o^) ☞ 


	41. Chapter 41

Boy howdy have i had a day at work! Early morning creep walks in, leans over the fucking counter and 'boops' me. Already ready to stab the cunt. Then a raggity karen saunters in tries to return something from months ago, like nah bitch if you couldnt be bothered to return it within policy your fucking stuck with it. She screamed, i smiled sweetly cause i knew she was just making my case. She leaves in a huff with her stupid fucking can opener. Fuck retail


	42. Chapter 42

Hello darkness my old friend


	43. Chapter 43

Fuck nuts came over to "help" me "organize" 

All he did was messup the way i had things 


	44. Chapter 44

I feel Like shit today! Heres a picrew

[https://picrew.me/image_maker/457243](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpicrew.me%2Fimage_maker%2F457243&t=OGFkYTYwNTJkYWU0YzQ2MDRlODYzZDU0NWM0NDdmZTJmOWZkYjc1ZixkM2FhODdiODk4MDFhOTdhODI2YzdmMDQzYzgwZmE2NDNhZGRjNTAw&ts=1599074581)

I didnt make it


	45. Chapter 45

Overheard a bitch in the hallway today while i was at work

"wow they just let anyone work there dont they"

"Atleast **it's** wearing a overshirt"

Like what the fuck you fungus cunt karen!


	46. Chapter 46

**ten ways to hide a dead body**

Buryit - 8 feet down vertical

Eat it

Burn it- thermite

Feed it to pigs

Dismember it, debone it, cube it, grind it, make it into chili and feed it into search and rescue team

Drop it in wet cement

Plant a tree over it

Carry it up a mountain and drop bits like hansel and Gretel

Brick it into a wall

Sun dry it in a tree

Swamp

Dump it in the ocean- weight it first

Hydrocloric acid and flush it like the scum they are

Disolve the removed teeth in coke, flay the skin off the hands and grind the bones for the marigolds, obliterate the face

Feed it to the feral cat colony

Burn it in a building- preferable a fireworks factory

Cube the meat, flush the meat, scatter the bones

Boil it in a oil drum till the bones break down

(✷‿✷)


	47. Chapter 47

Whats a bitch gotta do round these parts to get there cock slobbered on? Like i trim it all nice and everything, i wash it everyday, even the days where i dont wash the rest of me! I smile real pretty. What else is there to do? Should i spray some perfume maybe some midnight plum shit. 

_Note to self_

**Dont nair your balls!!**


	48. Chapter 48

So you know that smell in my apt? Ya i figured it out :( richard the eel isnt in his tank anymore, i guess he escaped like a week ago. I found him. he had wiggled under the speaker 


	49. Chapter 49

Remy wont leave, he keeps bitchin about his latest boi toy. Aparently he wants a open relationship and remy dosent, but he also dosent want to loose quote "the slong"

Remy finally left. Fuck man! Even worse tho logan was at the door when remy left. I have no fucking clue what he wants he went stright to the kitchen and started making tea? 

IM NOT YALLS THERAPIST!! 

Logan is spending the night because ????? He refuses to tell me but he also refuses to leave. Fuck it! Whatever its its already 2am and he keeps making that pathetic " i dont want talk about it" face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authours noteee
> 
> Hey guys, i have plans to celebrate the 50th diary entry owo. Also now theres atleast something happeneing in da storyy woot woot. Will this narrative streak continue? Who knows! Would i like peoples opinions? Absofuckingloutly!   
> Please tell me what type of entries do yall like the most?  
> The poems?  
> The shit posts?  
> The somewhat narative?  
> My shitty painting skills?  
> Would you like something else?  
> A collage of gerard way?  
> Got a suggestion for a diary entry?  
>  Something i havnt thought of yet?  
> Reading this months or years after i post this and ive stopped posting? TELL Mae ANYWAY! Maybe youll inspire me to do it again?


	50. Chapter 50

The cwave

Imaginye this: Peopwe wive undew the eawth in a cave wike dwewwing. Stwetching a wong way, up towawd the daywight is its entwance, towawd which the entiwe cave is gathewed. The peopwe have been in this dwewwing since chiwdhood, shackwed by the wegs and nyeck...Thus they stay in the same pwace so that thewe is onwy onye thing fow them to wook that: whatevew they encountew in fwont of theiw faces. But because they awe shackwed, they awe unyabwe to tuwn theiw heads awound. A fiwe is behind them, and thewe is a waww between the fiwe and the pwisonyews. Some wight, of couwse, is awwowed them, nyamewy fwom a fiwe that casts its gwow towawd them fwom behind them, being abuv and at some distance. Between the fiwe and those who awe shackwed thewe wuns a wawkway at a cewtain height. Imaginye that a wow waww has been buiwt the wength of the wawkway, wike the wow cuwtain that puppeteews put up, uvw which they show theiw puppets. The images cawwied befowe the fiwe

So nyow imaginye that aww awong this wow waww peopwe awe cawwying aww sowts of things that weach up highew than the waww: statues and othew cawvings made of stonye ow wood and many othew awtifacts that peopwe have made. As you wouwd expect, some awe tawking to each othew and some awe siwent.

What the do the pwisonyews see and heaw?

What do you think? Fwom the beginnying peopwe wike this have nyevew manyaged, whether on theiw own ow with the hewp of othews, to see anything besides the shadows that awe pwojected on the waww opposite them by the gwow of the fiwe. And what do they see of the things that awe being cawwied awong behind them? Do they nyot see simpwy these shadows as beings?

nyow what if this pwison awso had an echo wevewbewating off the waww in fwont of them? Whenyevew onye of the peopwe wawking behind those in chains wouwd make a sound, do you think the pwisonyews wouwd imaginye that the speakew was the shadow passing in fwont of them?


	51. Chapter 51

all those rpg video games are the same. leveling up and fighting dragons. i want something different... a video game where u think deeply about the swamp! A game where you can be a bog witch, or a kelpy tamer, or maybe a siren, you level up by drowning passerbys. or maybe a hunter trying to avaoid all the dangerious creatures of the swamp.

Possible species

Wisps

Bunyip

grindilow

not quite human

nymph

_Vodianoi_

_oooooo_ or a game completely centered around mami wata with all her juicy details ^o^  



	52. Chapter 52

doot doot mother fuckkers

cops can still suck my prostate, get reaal far up there and get slurping


	53. Chapter 53

Hey its ya boi! Deppression. I see you still cant get over what logan told you. That sucks bud. Ya wanna stay in bed all day and miss your brothers opening night preformance? Cool

Hey its ya boi! Aggresive tendencies. Ya wanna fucking scare that douce deppresion away? Then lets go beat the fuck out of the person who hurt logan! Come on you can watch blood ooze out of him while hes laying on the floor. Itll be fun.(ㆁωㆁ) 

Just take your bat with you. You know you wanna. Help logan, have some catharsis for yourself. Its a win win

Bang bang bang and all this icky useless feeling goes away


	54. Chapter 54

Its ok to not be ok

Its ok to not be ok its ok to not be ok

Its ok to not be ok its ok to not be ok ok to not be ok its ok to not be ok

**it's ok to not be ok it's ok to not be ok**

**Clearly im fine! I have to be ok**

**Im fine _im fine im fine IMFINE_** _its ok_

_We know the game and we're gonna play it  
And if you ask me how I'm feeling  
Don't tell me you're too blind to see  
Never gonna give you up  
Never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you_


	55. Chapter 55

I think i i have a heart boner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors note: i fucked up my wrist and im supposed to avoid writing or typing things soooooo if i miss a few days sorry


	56. Chapter 56

Local cults at it again. Fucking go suck your gods balls in private

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors note: i live a block from a Pentacostals church and a few hours from bountiful, bc


	57. Chapter 57

Fucking slut doesnt does when to shut his coffee addled mouth. Like how fucking hard is it to not stick ur brown little nose in other peoples fucking shit. 


	58. Chapter 58

Titty fuck

Pet the kitty

Doin a little ditty


	59. Chapter 59

Do you ever notice how most people avoid saying penis? Like they saw willy, or junk, or slong, or meat stick, basicly anything that isnt the proper name. Are penis he who shall not be named?


	60. Chapter 60

_*the page has water stains on it*_

**BEANS**


	61. Chapter 61

Finally put some normal none asshole fish in my barren eel tank. Fucking idiots escaping. I thought about geting a knife fish again but i still dont know why jack the ripper got sick. I need to name them all

We got 

The neon tetra hoard, they like to zoom

The otto catfish hoard, they shall all be named succ

Some sword fish. No idea what to call them

A betta, he sassy. Maybe name him janus just to piss himboff

The cory gang, maybe greg


	62. Chapter 62

I wonder if patton likes puppy play?

Oh logan def into shinibari

I already know what roman likes. Eeww

I wonder what virgis into?


	63. Chapter 63

Hippomonsteoquipidaliaphobia


	64. Chapter 64

Logan says im to unpredictable. I say im spicy 


	65. Chapter 65

Fucking piece of shit migraines. I just wanna drill a hole in my fucking head and let all the brain goo leak out 


	66. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally i let my general warnings hold up on there own but this diary entry is particularly triggering material. Please read with caution and dont feel required to finish this entry. I got carried away
> 
> This was intended to be a story that remus made up about a boy he saw sitting in the er while he was being treated for a fractured ankle.
> 
> Theres an extra note at the end

Damian was a normal boy, with a normal life. He got up at 6 am to get ready for school, that he had to walk 2 hours to get to since his mother had to arrive to her metalsmetal at 6 am to start work. His father... Wasnt there. He lived in another country. Damian would slog out of bed by 630 drag his ass up stairs from the basement to shit in the only bathroom. Think about shaving off all his hair, then hed shuffle down the hall to the living room to watch some cartoons before he had to heft his straining backpack with his laptop and his four text books out the door and towerd the hell hole of a school. But something wasn't right this morning. His sister hadn't beat him to the toilet. In fact he didnt didn any signs of her in the house but he thought very little of it, maybe she was hungover and was planing to skip the day all together. Normal tv, normal spot of the couch, till there was a very loud and very insistant knock on the front door. Damien blearily walked to the front door and opened it to a fire man, well four firemen and a cop. They offered a few words damien didnt hear and gently pushed past him into his home. Damien was fully awake now. Where was his sister. Damien loosly followed the firemen to the kitchen where he could see his sister with a o2 mask over her face, he saw the terror in her face as to many big men in big suits sourounded her. She was having a panic attack. Damien knew not what to do but to try to keep there four cats out of the way of the strangers coming in and out of the house. Four firemen and a cop, then three more cops, they must have come in by themselves, three firemen left, two paramedics came, the paramedics recognized the panic attack and banished the cops and fireman into the living room where damien was sitting silently on the couch. 

The first one to talk to damien since the firemen pushed past him an hour ago. A female officer, "Do you know what she took?" Damien knew what was happening now. His sister had taken pills to try to kill herself. Last week was cuts along the entire length of her arms and one thigh. A few weeks before was alcohol poisoning and a fall off the curb. This was atleast her 5th attempt to kill herself. Damien kept his best friend, his cat, in his arms. The police officer knelt down to speak to him, she offered a calm voice and hollow promises that his sister would be ok. he knew better, he had heard this words to many times. he watched as the paramedics slowly walked his sister outside to a waiting ambulance. he heard the sirens blare as they speed off towerd the hospital. he watched the firemen leave. the officer asked him if he was alright. of course he was alright, he had to be alright, he knew what followed, he knew the hours in the er. he knew he had to watch his strong mother break, cry, wither as she felt so helpless and afraid that she'd finally lost her daughter for good. he had to be strong, he didnt have time to cry, he had to be there for his mother, he had to be there for his sister. he had to prep for his father to magicly appear to judge everything and spout his aa meeting bullshit as if his daughter was ever gunna stop drinking. damien heard the officer leave. the house was quiet, he was past the time he was ment to leave for school. he called his mom to inform her what had just happened. damien heard the familier crash of the shop, his mothers vaugly iritated tone at being disturbed at work, he also heard the moment she fully heard what he had said. his mother yelled across her shop that she had to leave, she had a kind boss and she could inform him later of why she left, she was a good worker and had earned that trust. damien's mother stopped at the house to pick up Damien, last time he had gone to school after his sister was carted off. the drive was silent, his mother smelled of sweat and metal. the er nurse was quick to guide damien and his mother threw the maze of cots. they arrived to his siter drinking charcoal, she was quite good at it at this point. he sat where he wasn't in the way of the doctors. a half hour of slurred speech and messy movements later she passed out. a few minutes after her heart rate began to dip. then dip further, the alarms sounded, the doctors rushed in, they pushed damien and his mom out of the curtained corner into the main hallway of the hospital with a strong suggestion to go get some food. they stood there till the burse let him and his mother back in. his sister had a second iv now on her other arm. she was unconscious and stable. damien took up his spot again. he sat there for hours, his mother broke down, he sat and waited. nurses came to check his sisters condition every half hour or so. damiens phone was his saviour. he read fanfics where only the darkest things happened, he scrolled tumblr, he tried to ignore the man a few curtains over who screamed for two hours that his mom had raped him. then he screamed that the burse was killing him. bad trip damien assumed. damien and his mother sat in that curtained er for 9 hours before his sister stirred. he made jokes with his sister, played some simple games with his sister, whatched his sister eat, watched her fall back asleep again. he sat there again until his father showed up. his father talked not unkindly to his mother for a few minutes and decided to take damien out of the hospital to eat. they walked a block to a restaurant. they sat there and made light humor as they ate. they returned to the er. his father disapeared for a few minutes and reapeared with a stuffed chicken. damien spoke of his day to the only place he could, his tumblr along with a picture of the chicken. he got one like. at some point his mother had filled in the details. damiens sister had taken the entire bottle of asprin and a two six of jack daniels out to the shed out back. she "didnt wanna scare damien" but a few minutes after downing the pills and alcohol his sister got scared. she had phoned a youth helpline because she didnt wanna scare her brother, and she didnt wanna leave her brother. she stayed in the shed as the youth worker informed emergency services. she only came inside right as the fire men arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I began writing this with no intention of telling its origin but upon finishing it i realised gender swaping the main carecter makes it hit different. this is a true story. Damien was a 13 year old girl. Now a 23 year old girl who still has a sister.


	67. Chapter 67

What you want dirt eater. Ya gunna eat dirt, dirt eater!


	68. Chapter 68

Who needs a blow job when youve got a wet dry vacuum


	69. Chapter 69

Owo whats that in your pants? 

Nah that shit dont matter to me ill fuck ya silly no matter what ;)


	70. Chapter 70

Oh i have all my finger the knife goes chop chop chop if i miss the spaces in between my fingers will come off and if i i h my finger, the blood will soon come out. But all the same i i pl this game cause thats what its its about. 

Ooooh chop chop chop chop chop chop chop im picking up the speed

And if i hit my finger my hand will start to bleed


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i missed a few. My wrists fucked up

The neighbors are fighting again.

Ffs

Just dump his raggid ass if your so convinced hes cheating he aint worth the energy you put into slamming doors. 

BANG CRASH CRASH

Oh fuck i forgot remys sleeping in my bed. If he wakes up hangery like usual then i might have to lock him in the apartment till he eats some fucking cerel or something


	72. Chapter 72

todays been ruff

remy did wake up to them fighting and was on a war path to go shut them up. i bribed him with dick shaped cereal. my fav.

virgipoo came over to play smash.

he wont talk to me now. im just so tired. maybe ill send him some furry memes tomorrow. see if that gets me somewhere, tho it probably wont. maybe he finally hates me for good. its not like i dont deserve it. im disgusting and intrusive. of course he hates me. i cant even do something as simple as remeber to do the dishes. let alone act "sensitive to others feelings"

:( 


	73. Chapter 73

Ya ever just wanna stab your brother. Cause boiii howdy does it feel like it would make a few things.... Ok one big thing a hella lot easier


	74. Chapter 74

I need a pair of juicy shorts


	75. Chapter 75

New name tag for work


	76. Chapter 76

Cant find my lighter fluid! I just wanna pour one out for da booiis!


	77. Chapter 77

Hey guys, 

Its the author. Im putting this project on hiatus until.... Idk. 

Idk if ill ever wanna start it up again. Hope you all had fun reading this monster.

Bye for now, or for forever. 乁( •_• )ㄏ

**Author's Note:**

> Ill try to rember to update with something very day


End file.
